Get a little Glee

   Let's talk about one of my favorite recent topics : Glee!! Now, stop, I know what you are probably thinking (especially if you are a guy or a non-glee fan) but Glee is good, the music is great, and the topics brought forward and the insights I've had from them go right to the heart. In some ways, Glee is "good-for-the-soul" good!

Let me back up and make a VERY important admission. When I started massage school two years ago I had never watched Glee, and I was a very bad at pretending that I did. It was because of a wonderful woman named Erin Murphy, the eccentric Spa teacher at Everest. She sold me on becoming a massage therapist before I even started school because she, herself was so full of life and fun that it was contagious!! So, I enrolled. But I digress. Anyway, when I would come into spa class on Fridays she would talk about how great that weeks episode was and I would desperately try to pretend that I knew what she was talking about so we'd have something to talk about and so she'd like me.

It was probably six months later that I first saw Glee. The show opened my eyes to new music that I had never before heard, and done new spins on old classics, most of which I really liked. The show itself has characters that I both love and hate, and love-to-hate and well, as a former high school drama/music geek and outcast, I got hooked.

I've always loved to sing and act. In grade school I almost always took the lead parts in plays or solos and it really bolstered my confidence and made me feel special and important. I've realized recently that I really miss that. I've thought about trying to find some local singing groups or theater to take part in, but haven't followed through. I digress more.

I identified with the characters, and found myself rooting for them, sometimes out-loud. But it's not the characters that I love or that keeps me coming back for me week after week. It's the music and the spirit of the music. Outside of the show, I will chose to listen to music from Glee more often then practically any other music I own. The reason; it touches my soul. Music affects me more than anything.

Example: "I feel pretty/unpretty". When I listen to this song, I realize that a lot of time I do feel unpretty or unvaluable. I empathize a lot with Rachel Berry. I look around me and see so many other girls that seem prettier or more talented or more sexy than me, and I doubt my own worth. The songs says "you can look inside you, find out who am I too, to be in a position to make me feel so unpretty" and it makes me wonder why I feel so unpretty or unvaluable sometimes.

What makes a person valuable? Looks? There are characters in the show and people in life who are both incredibly beautiful and horrible people that I wouldn't want to be friends with, let alone in the same room with. Wealth? Again, there are people with money who are miserable and some that have nothing and are very happy. Fame? Popularity? Love?

How about "Born This Way",
   I'm beautiful in my way
   'Cause God makes no mistakes
   I'm on the right track baby
   I was born this way
   Don't hide yourself in regret
   Just love yourself and you're set
   I'm on the right track baby
   I was born this way

Now I know it's a Lady Gaga (the queen of self-love, and not God's love) song, but again... I really enjoy this song, and it gives credit to God, saying "God makes no mistakes". What an uplifting message. The episode that features this song has each student idetifying something about themselves that they are self-conscious about and printing it on a shirt, to be shown, proudly to the world, as something they were born with and there-by something they should learn to love about themselves, and not try to hide or be unhappy about.


I think if I'm unhappy it's because I'm alone SO MUCH. I have been married for nearly five years and I've spent probably at least HALF of that time on my own. I have lived here for the same five years and I can only count ONE person that I'm not married or related to that I consider a friend. I don't do well with LOT of so-so friends. I need a Diana Berry. I need ONE close, bosom friend that I can share my life with. I know it needs to be a woman and that however much I love my husband, he will never be a girlfriend or take the place of one. That kind of friendship is a gift from God, and I have been steadily, faithfully praying for a friend I can tell anything to and not be afraid or ashamed.

I am ashamed of my loneliness. I feel as though the life I have been called to calls me equally to be alone, and strong and brave and uncomplaining in it. I take some comfort when people say "I don't know how you do it". I feel like a carved figure on the prow of a ship; (fully-clothed of course) smiling - beautiful and weathered, embodying strength and faithfulness and inspiring hope as I gaze longingly and endlessly to the horizon. Truth be told, I don't know how I do it, and I wish I didn't have to. I think if I admit that I'm lonely to people, it shows my vulnerability and lack of strength. I try so hard to be strong, to act like it's no big deal, like it's easy to be along, but it's not. I want people to look at me and admire me. But it's a front. I think if people saw the true me I'd be wearing a white T-shirt that says LONELY... and I'd be crying, not smiling.

That's what I think about. I think listening to Glee music makes me stop, listen and think about elements of my life that I may not usually ponder on. Another good example: "As Long as You're There", sung beautifully by a very talented, but minor character, drives straight to my core. Listening to it is like my heart's cry, the thing I wish my darling husband would know and understand;
       Baby 'cause I don't need anything else but your love
       Nothing but you means a thing to me
       I’m incomplete
      When you’re not there
      Holding me, touching me, I swear
      All of the rest could just disappear
      And I would not even care
      As long as you’re there

Recently, the show had Rachel Berry sing "My Man" from Funny Girl. It's one of my favorite songs of all time, and I can't even listen to it without mouthing the words and crying, heart aching, because I love my husband so, SO much. This song says exactly what is in my heart, and what I would have him know
     Oh, my man I love him so
     He'll never know
    All my life is just despair
    But I don't care
    When he takes me in his arms
    The world is bright, alright
    What's the diference if I say "I'll go away":
    When I know I"ll come back
    On my knees someday
    For whatever my man is
    I am his, forever more

Ultimately, loneliness and sadness is part of life, but as I reflect over "as if we never said goodbye", watching the moon glow and the stars twinkle through a thin veil of clouds, I am reminded that even the deepest loneliness and longing serve a purpose. They remind me of my need for God and my longing for home, my true home in heaven, where things will be brighter and bigger and better than anything we've experienced before.

I don't want to be alone
That's all in the past
This world's waited long enough
I'll come home at last!!!!!

And this time will be bigger
And brighter than we knew it
So watch me fly, we all know I can do it...
Could I stop my hand from shaking?
Has there ever been a moment
With so much to live for?

While the song is from a musical called "Sunset Boulevard" and is talking about something completely obscure, I listen to the lyrics, my soul soars and I imagine Christ calling me home, flying through the night clouds and belonging, safe, loved and forever secure! I often watch shows and movies, listen to music or read books and see some part of myself in it. I find myself through those things, and not always my best self. I envy, begrudge, feel sorry for myself and feel the sinful sting of pride at times. Then, like the last song, am driven towards God, to how he sees me, and how, through the power of the Holy Spirit and of Christ working in me, I can be changed! If, in these blogs, I am too honest or express some of these good, or bad elements of myself, I do it only to be changed, to self-examine and try to become a better person. If I find myself in secular, common things, that is become I am a creature of this earth, sinful and saved only by Jesus. 


Music is like a window to the soul, expressing more deeply and clearly than plain words can ever hope to. The melody, the heart behind it, is just so true and right. It lets the heart speak, it lets the spirit soar. Music draws my soul towards my creator. The word "glee" means; great delight or pleasure. I need more glee in my life.