Reflections on Turning 30

So within the last few moments of my 30th year, I thought it'd be a good time for some last-minute reflections on what the first third of my life has held for me. The day has been equally as disappointing as  it has been fulfilling and surprising.

I woke up with no specific plan for the day. I found myself alone, with no prospects of doing anything to mark the day as anything special and out of the ordinary. Part of me found strange peace in that, having been sick for nearly three weeks and still recovering. Part of me was horribly depressed.

I was depressed because I figured if I didn't have a day full of fun, planned activities with people who want to beat down my door to be around me, then I must not have any friends.

I figured if I don't have my family all around me, to take me out to dinner then it's a lame day.

I really wanted to have a birthday like in Julie & Julia, full of close friends and fabulously french food, then I would know I'd survived and become a successful adult. 
 

It's one of my favorite movies (and I don't easily chose or commit to favorites) Julie & Julia, a coming-of-age story juxtaposed with a fanciful tribute to Julie Child. I identified with Julie Powell, feeling utter dread in my upcoming rite-of-passage. As if turning 30 was the end of the world unless I could prove I had spent it well, had demonstrable skills and hordes of friends to surround me and make me feel like less of a dismal failure or disappointment. But sitting alone in my house on my 30th birthday opened my eyes to some surprising realizations.

I'm not like Julie Powell, in that I don't have to accomplish those things in order to feel successful, happy, or fulfilled. And I didn't think turning 30 would be terrible. But I did have a list of things I felt I should accomplish in order to feel I spent my life (so far) well.  I just thought I had to accomplish the list by the 30-mark, have certain things, and be with certain people to make it worthwhile. But here I am. 30. And I'm happy.

Truly, I'm happy.

Sure, I didn't accomplish my 30 before 30 list. Not even close really. Here it is, so you can see how dismal my attempts were.

30 before 30 List

Personal development
2. Read through the entire Bible - studying and studying well
3. Finish outstanding craft projects
4. Learn to dance
5. Run a 5k - done!

Fitness
1. Reach my "goal weight" (115lbs)
6. Have an emergency fund/vacation fund (3k min
7. Learn to play the piano. Well.
8. Take a Hawaiian vacation - done
9. Do karaoke.
10. Go to a drive-in movie.

Financial
11. Cook an entire thanksgiving meal
12. Develop & implement a budget
13. Write a book
14. Learn to shoot a gun properly
15. Pay off student loans

Personal Ambitions
16. Be in a play
17. Get a good camera and learn to use it
18. See Kristin chenoweth in concert
19. Mentor a younger girl - done
20. Get a facial - done

Hobby
21. Blog for three consecutive months
22. Set up my own savings account - done
23. Try Zumba (at least 3x) 

24. Attend 24 cycling classes
25. Take up cycling
26. Learn to bake a good loaf of bread consistently
27. Take voice lessons
28. Play softball/coed baseball
29. Conquer my lack of confidence
30. M&D record-memories-parenting plans/spiritual holiday implementations
31. Start a family

So I think I've got about 1\6th of the list done. It doesn't matter really. In retrospect, on the other side of 30, I've survived. It's not that those things aren't important, they are. But it's silly to feel like you haven't achieved anything if you haven't done 30 things on a list by the time you turn 30. More than anything it's a good exercise in finding out what is important to you, what you want to accomplish, but also what will change as you try to work toward checking things off the list. Priorities change. Like this list has several fitness-oriented items, but the revised list has those spots replaced with things like 

make a bosom friend and "see Kristin Chenoweth in concert" is replaced "become more like Jesus". Not bad substitutions I think. 

My real aspiration is to be content. Content with myself, content with what I have and who I am. And to continue to grow. To make goals and then to work towards them. To invest in people. To gain character. To love people and to live life to the fullest. Sure, I've failed at things, I've spent time poorly at times. There is still room for growth. I have not arrived at the end of my life yet (thank goodness). I can take comfort and find contentment in knowing that people like me for who I am and what I bring to their lives. That I'm a genuine person who cares about people. That I try to bring my best to whatever I'm doing. And I'm human! I make mistakes and I can get up from them, and learn, moving on to another day and another attempt. I love that I'm not going to get stuck in my failures. The list will always change, and will never be completed, but that's part of life. That is the object of life. Serve God, love others, work hard, grow, live!

My life is full of people that love and like me, and full of blessings and opportunities. Yesterday was full to the brim with challenges, friends, fun events, disappointments and surprises. Tomorrow will be too.

Happy birthday to me, and I look forward to the next chapter of life with gusto and happy anticipation!